5 Things We Don't Understand About Toddlers And How Screens Sneak In

That moment when you’ve been at the playground for an hour and they WON’T LEAVE until you pull out your phone? Yeah. We see you.

Here’s what we’re learning about why our little ones confuse us (and why technology become our survival tool)

1. The “Can You?” Question

“Can you please come eat your lunch?” sounds nice, right? But toddlers answer honestly: “NO!” Then we’re frustrated because lunch is getting cold and we’re late for nap time. Why? Because we are giving them a choice. We gave them a Yes/No option but we get upset when we get a “No”.

Try: “Lunchtime now. Do you want to eat at the table or at the floor?” (But really? Some days we just stick them in front of Cocomelon while we shovel rice into their mouths. We know that, and we take one step at a time)

2. The Repeat-Till-We-Get-Angry Pattern

At the playground: “Time to go…” (continues playing) “Come, we go home.” (ignores) “I SAID LET’S GO!” We accidentally train them that ONLY our angry voice means business.

What may works better: Say it once. Wait 10 seconds (I do countdown from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1). Then walk over and start helping them say goodbye to the playground.

But the reality is that sometimes it may be faster to just promise YouTube on the MRT ride home.

3. The Changing Rules which depends on your mood.

On your good day: “Cannot run in the house ah, later downstairs neighbour complain!”

On your bad day: Child runs around at home… “Ai yah whatever, I am too tired.”

They’re not naughty - they’re just confused which days the rule is real, so they test the boundaries.

Tip: Choosing 2-3 rules we’ll enforce even when we’re exhausted helps. Having a journal to keep track of your family values and rules can be helpful. Everything else can slide.

4. The “No Become Yes” negotiations

Toddler: “I want ice cream!”

Us: “No, almost dinner time.”

Toddler: “But I want chocolate one!”

Us: “Aiyo, (looking at time), okay lah, but one small cup only.”

They just learned: Keep asking, papa/mama will give in. When we say no, we need to really mean it.

(And when we’re too tired to fight? Fine, here’s the tablet while we cook dinner in peace.)

5. The Mid-Tantrum Explanation

At the hawker centre, they’re screaming because you ordered chicken rice instead of noodles. And you’re squatting down explaining why we can’t waste food and other people are eating… but their brain is in full meltdown mode. They literally cannot hear you.

Remember: First calm them down (or remove them from the crowd). Talk later. Try saying: “I can see you are upset. We will wait for you to be ready and we will talk later.”

But let’s be real, sometimes we just hand over the phone so everyone stops staring at us.

Here’s the thing:

Some of us use screens to survive the hard moments. Understanding these patterns doesn’t mean we will be perfect parents. It means we can prevent SOME of the chaos and and be more intentional about our devices choices.

Look up when you can, connect how you can. That includes screen time when you need it.

Every child is different and we got your back.

One More Thing

After you implement even one of these ideas, I'd love to hear how it goes. What worked? What was harder than you expected? What surprised you?

The best insights come from parents in the trenches, trying this stuff in real life.

Email me: connect@lookupfamily.org
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